Dang, booty.

Who can make me a fake ID so I can see Bob Saget in October? I’m serious. No, really. (Or by tomorrow? You can be my +1 at The Onion Party!)

There were three bears, papa bear, mama bear and baby bear. They were all constipated. So they went to see their bear doctor who gave them each some laxatives. Since papa bear was the biggest he got a bottle, mama bear half- a bottle and the baby bear got a couple of tablets of the laxative. They all went home and took the tablets.

The next day the papa bear went to the bathroom , came out in a few minutes and said in rough bearly voice “I am so thankful, cause I shat a tankful!”

It was the mama bear’s turn to go. She went in and took a little while and then came out and said in a sweet voice ” I am so grateful, cause I shat a plateful!”

Then finally it was the baby bear’s turn. The little one went and came out after a long time and said in a sad small voice “I am so broken hearted, cause I only farted!”

I am no longer a teenager.

And I have a new boss tumblr theme. Check that shit out.

I am also stuck at school for nine hours, but my mom is taking me out to eat at P.F. Bogangles for dinner.

Fuck being twenty, I wish I could just go back to being seventeen.

This is going to be one shitty birthday.

I wish there was a way to filter out those damn “comics” on Eat, Sleep, Draw.

Why is there a LifeAlert commercial on Logo?

Tap tap that bed to the wall.

Taken from my old diary:

CUTE GUYS @ SKOOL

Brandon - friend - soph
Bryan - Spanish class - junior
Mark - senior
Jesus - would have been senior
Mike - always smells good - soph
Jeff - singer/guitarist - senior
Chris - adorable - soph
Markie - skater - soph
Why does everyone think Derek is hot?
Mike O. - junior

It only took 4 years.

I’m reading them.

There’s one from late elementary school, another from middle school, and another from early high school. They are all ridiculous. I thought about putting a little snippit in here, but the thought is kind of mortifying. It’s not so bad that it’s funny, it is just embarrassing.